homecoming

i had a maximum awesome time tramping around the continent in ridiculous heat. apologies for no updates or pictures but you'll see me soon enough for me to tell you of my adventures in person.

it is a strange feeling preparing to go home after 7 months here. i'm ready i know that for sure. there is no anxiety about what i will find at home, i know what to expect, it is familiar. but i am certainly a little apprehensive. things have changed and i hope i can find my place again. i hope i can find a decent ky chow replacement. i hope i can find a job that makes me feel as confident and content as travelling the world does..

i'll miss some things about england, their passion for condiments and trashy tv for sure.. but on the whole i am glad to be getting out of here.* it's time to hang up my bedsocks and head home to be with the people i love. thanks for reading...

mtk xx*full rant about problems with english society and culture available upon request

jet set, go

this afternoon i will brave the extra security measures that come with living in a country on 'critical terrorist alert' and front up at the airport to get on a plane to dublin. there i will make merry with ms sarah moller and her husband as well as catching up with janine in the brief moments she is not working. am looking forward to it muchly..

after that i am touring the eastern bloc where i hope to meet some interesting people, eat to excess and read novels lying on the grass in the shadow of ancient castles. sounds lovely ne? will update if and when i can..

hope you all have a good few weeks.

peace out

exit, pursued by a bear

i finished at great baddow yesterday and have been packing up my room and stuff all today ready for my departure from essex forever on tuesday. am feeling remarkably unemotional considering how heightened my emotions have been over here (i find myself tearing up at makeover shows on tv). i can only conclude that coming home is the absolute right decision...

i celebrated the end of the baddow experience with a number of pints and a trip to the cricket. the phenomenon of doing something you would never consider doing at home (eg: attend a sporting event) has been articulated very well bypenny. i was actually *excited* about attending, who would have thought?i was accompanied by a group all enthusiastic to initiate me into the world of the english cricket game. apparently heckling the fielder closest to you is encouraged, as is booing the members section who don't continue the mexican wave. not quite the gentlemanly game i had imagined.

i was slightly disappointed to find that the 'one hand one bounce' rule isn't actually in the official cricket rule book. i was up a cheering at number 23's killer catch before i was informed that it didn't actually count. no matter, there were plenty of opportunities to jump up and cheer and the essex cricket board actually provided you with little cardboard signs that you could wave around when someone hit a 4 or a 6. meanwhile, i went in to say goodbye to my bookshop crush today and was told he is off work studying for his yr 11 exams! good lord..

thirty two fouettés en tournant

on saturday i took myself to see swan lake at royal albert hall. it was quite an experience and not one i would recommend for those who suffer from vertigo. check out the steepness of the seating in the hall in this picture i ripped of the net:i was sitting right up the top in the cheap seats and had to avoid looking sideways so as not to freak myself out. it was a beautiful performance though. i love going to the matinee session because all the little girls are there in their party frocks and you see them after holding their dad's hands and breathlessly exclaiming i'm going to be on that stage one day. and you just know that they are going to go straight home and practice their swan arms in the mirror and reread all the noel streatfield books. adorable.

other things:

it has rained for about 13 days in a row here. it is grim and i do not regret one dot my decision to get out of england.

the history department took me out thursday evening for a 'goodbye' type thing. they plied me with so many drinks i ended up monkey dancing and headbutting.. i felt so ill the next day that i had to leave a class in the middle of a lesson for a little vomvom in the staff toilets. certainly the peak of my teaching career..

surreal london moment: penny, bonnie and i (all tremendously tired/hungover/suffering gelatine overdoses) wander into the southbank centre to play detective* and instead find ourselves in a big hall hitting each other with enormous bags of air. brilliant.

*checking if a comatose man on the couch was dead or just sleeping in an unfortunate pose

tales from the schoolyard...

i am in official countdown mode to when i finish up at great baddow.. only 7 more teaching days and i am out of there! so it seems the right time to share a little of what has been keeping me amused at work these last few weeks. seriously, i couldn't make this shit up...

the history department have been having some meetings to discuss the curriculum. most of the teachers don't enjoy teaching the JFK unit so we have been trying to think of another individual to study. i kid you not, one of the options is a unit on Princess Di. looks like i'm leaving just in time..

one of the more disturbing things i've encountered this year is 'the phantom shitter'. he/she/they sneak into classrooms and leave a dirty big turd on the floor to be discovered by a horrified teacher in the morning. they have struck a few times and are yet to be caught. there is something seriously deranged about these children.

lunchtime last week one of the chidlers was climbing up on the roof, fell and cut open his ball sack. poor little bugger. it was the source of much hilarity for those that witnessed it. he had to go to the hospital and everything. i wonder if he met up with the other student who has been admitted to the children's ward for od'ing on ADHD medicine bought in the playground black market..

i got to attend another parents night. man i love those nights and in england the kids come along as well. so when you are informing the parents that their kid is a bit of a numskull, the numskull in question is right there to enjoy the moment too! it's also fun to tell parents when their kid is a superstar. because for all my bitching, i do teach some lovely kids who awe me with their perceptiveness and insight..

the ghetto wannabe kids in my bottom set yr 9 class have taken to referring to their braces as their 'bling'. "yo i got per-mission from my orthodontist to be wearing this bling miss, so don't be giving me no uniform strike". it's pretty impressive the amount of times they can work it into a conversation. hilarious.

only 25 more lessons to teach and you can bet i'm hoping at least some of my students do something ridiculous and stupid so we can all have a chuckle at their expense...

the weekend

with thanks to penny whose 'busy weekend' blogging format i have blatantly copied..

friday

3:30pm - weekend gets of to a killer start when i get roped into supervising uniform detention. blergh

5:00pm - mad rush to shower, dress and get to london. am of course, late..

7:30pm - irritate alpha by messing up directions to the pub we are meeting bonnie at for birthday drinks

8:00pm - meet bonnie and her friends in the coolest beer garden this side of rundle street. drink vino, make various toasts, enjoy meeting other worlds.. happy birthday bonnie!

12:00pm - drunk enough to dance in furry beret

1:00am - ride home in what was one of the best taxi rides in my long career of interesting taxi rides. something about riding through london at night and seeing all the landmarks lit by street lamps. it was wonderful. also frederick the driver was hilarious. i offered career and love advice. cause, you know, i'm such an expert

1:30am - mightily impressed by this method of dispensing crisps at the off licence near penny's place6 hours sleep on penny's very comfortable pouf and couch

saturday

10:00am - wake up a little worse for wear

12:00pm - am revived somewhat by a coffee and stroll down broadway market, the food and farmers market that happens every saturday on penny's street. this place is unbelievable, so much delicious food to tempt you. i went for the samosas and interesting curry place and was blown away by deliciousness.. i was also very taken with the cupcakes... 2:30pm - meet kate (who flew in just that morning) in notting hill and wander around portabello markets. was mostly unimpressed with the markets but probably only because thoughts of the brilliance of broadway market was fresh in my mind. the ginormous paella did impress though and it was great to see kate again..

6:00pm - (retrospectively) unwisely get stuck into the pino grigo the second night in a row

10:00pm - drinking on a boat on the thames with a view of big ben and the london eye. wowie.10:30pm - argue with a fellow history nerd over finer facts of russian history. vow to google disputed facts as soon as i get home (which i did and am pleased to report I WAS RIGHT)

11:50pm - dash into liverpool street station to discover i've missed the last train home by about 4 minutes. briefly consider going back to meet kate and adelaide girls but decide to call penny instead as her place is closer and i doubt my ability to successfully negotiate the tube again..

1:00am - make a dramatic entrance at penny's place where she and the renaissance man were enjoying 'musical night'. sit down to enjoy the second half of phantom of the opera. sing along loudly with complete disregard for open windows and close neighbours. actually quite impressed with my ability to remember many of the words when i haven't heard the music for over 10 years. must have been the all the times mum made us listen to it on the yearly drives to melbourne

3:00am - somewhat ungraciously gloat that my magic tricks are superior when alpha tried to show off his new skills (learnt from hackney's glitterati). sorry alpha!

penny's couch is somewhat less comfortable the second night in a row..

sunday

8:30am - awoken by alarm, realise i've agreed to be in cambridge in three hours. resign myself to being late and send off various text messages. dress in a t-shirt that is on it's third day. lovely.

12:30 - brief spurt of energy spent snapping pics when i discover this at king's cross station. ooh!2:00pm - arrive in cambridge where i meet my glorious housemates katie and andy who are giving me the insiders tour of the place (they both studied at the university). poke around the various colleges and enjoy walking straight past the 'no visitors' signs..

4:00pm - go punting! this was too exciting for words. enjoy watching the camrbidge students in their natural habitat. especially the floppy haired boys in crumpled shirts and boat shoes. check out andy wield that pole! tres impressive7:30pm - arrive at st johns college where katie and andy have arranged to go to a 'formal hall' dinner. this involves andy pretending to be a current student and me posing as someones cousin. note andy's clever disguise, he is wearing the college tie to ensure he passes as a genuine student. we gave him shit about it all night.8:00pm - thoroughly enjoy the pomp of dinner and bombard katie and andy with endless questions about the archaic rules cambridge students are forced to follow.11:00pm - arrive home totally exhausted but still manage to check my email before i fall into bed. which reminds me, whats with the practically empty comments box people? lazy bastards. guess i've got to send some to receive some...

a hastily written recap...

last week began in brussels with penny, alpha male and aj (newly nicknamed 'the renaissance man' as he seems to know something about everything, with his speciality subject being fine dining). the weekend passed in a glorious drunken haze of novelty photographs, rants about politics, in-jokes about communist architecture and the turkish morality police and of course, the requisite hangovers. more detailed versions of the weekend can be foundhereandhere. it was wonderful fun and i am beginning to think i might be over the solo travel thing.

monday the team headed back to london and work and i head to brugges, a town about an hour train ride from brussels. it is a beautiful little medieval town full of canals and cobbled streets. i hired a bike to explore during the day and spent the evening in the hostel bar baiting wanker travellers to say stupid things. fun times.

tuesday i took the train to paris where the weather was monumentally shit but i managed to have a glorious time anyway, though with more museums and galleries than lying in the sunshine people watching.

most surreal moment:
discovering 3 german punks laying daisy chains and crying at the grave of samuel beckett at the montparnasse cemetery.. punks! daisy chains! samuel beckett! weird!

best breakfast:
on my last day the sun finally came out.. i went to the market down the street, bought a 22 euro hunk of cheese and a baguette and ate it in the luxembourg gardens. then i ate a chocolate eclair. yum.

closest i came to death:
some turkish guys staying at the hostel had hired scooters for the day. i dared them to ride around the insane 6 lane roundabout going around the arc de triumphe. they double dared me back. apparently turkish double dare rules mean you have to perform the same dare *twice*. they all launched themselves into the traffic with much gusto and horn beeping. i watched them with dread and hoping they would forget i was meant to go next. they didn't and i drove at 20km an hour right around the outside, almost on the footpath and was still terrified for my life.. who designed this insanity?!

most valuable travel item:
my earplugs! not only does it block out the pneumatic snores of the 60 yr old born again christian sharing your bunk bed but you can also put them in when wandering around art galleries and get fed up of hearing idiotic da vinci code interpretations of every religious picture on show.. pop them in and voila! the soundtrack to your arty wanderings is only the intensified sound of your breathing. i'm taking them with me everywhere from now on.

best movie moment:
i was browsing the shelves of shakespeare and co when george the ancient and legendary owner got me to help him move a stack of harry potter books. while we were fussing around moving things, his cup of coffee which was perched precariously on the stair banister fell off and onto an obnoxious brit alterna-girl. she came up the stairs all huffy at us, and we giggled together like schoolgirls at her histrionics..

perplexing:
sand font is a popular choice in mainland europe.. ugh.

où sont les garçons beaux?

am off to belgium and paris for a week or so.. back with pictures and 5 kilos heavier soon. have a good week everyone..

mtk xx

it's the question on everyones lips!!!

>-----Original Message-----
>From: Y....
>Sent: Wednesday, 16 May 2007 3:16 PM
>To: R....
>Subject: RE: Glenunga '97-'07 Reunion
>
>Leanne C... jas two, Marcia J... (married Andrew D...) has one,
>wanted to be preggas again with number two last time I saw her. Tom
>H... has one... That answer the question? You and I are normal.
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Y....
>Sent: Wednesday, 16 May 2007 3:15 PM
>To: R....
>Subject: RE: Glenunga '97-'07 Reunion
>
>I wonder who has kids....scary stuff...

>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: G....
>Sent: Thursday, 10 May 2007 10:33 AM
>Subject: Glenunga '97-'07 Reunion
>
>GLENUNGA INTERNATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL
>1997-2007 REUNION
>
>Hi everyone,
>It's the question on everyones lips.......should we have a 10 year high
>school reunion? Of course!
>
>It would be fantastic for as many of us as possible to get together to
>catch up on the TEN years that has passed - and share stories, memories
>and laughs.
>Please email this on to any addresses you have - and lets get the ball
>rolling.
>Im proposing -
>
>WHEN: late November (date to be confirmed when I get an idea of numbers)
>WHERE: The Alma Tavern, Beer Garden. 66 Magill Rd, Norwood.
>WHAT: Drinks and nibbles
>TIME: 7pm onwards
>
>Partners and kids are of course very welcome.
>
>Please email me if you think you will be able to come
>- so I can finalise numbers - there may be a small cost per head at the
>venue.
>Looking forward to seeing you all there!
>
>Cheers,
>G.


should i...

a) attend to interpretive dance and pretend i invented post-it notes
b) attend to get a sqiz at marcia and andrews offspring and thank my lucky stars that my slow dance with andrew at the yr 12 formal did not lead to such outcomes...
c) attend wearing something low cut and dispel to rumour that i dropped out of the middle of year 12 to have a baby and instead inform them all of the truth - that i dropped out to work at mcdonalds
d) attend with clementine posing as my lesbian lover
e) send a dramatic telegram from kabul to be read out at the gathering sending my regrets i couldn't be there to enjoy the nibbles but am otherwise indisposed..
f) reply to organiser girl that i would rather attend a year 11 chemistry lesson every weekend for the rest of my life than show up at the alma to 'catch up'

on fiction

i have a little crush on the boy who works at waterstones bookshop on saturdays. i tease him about his fondness for the beat poets and he recommends obscure novels to me. i always ignore these recommendations because i'm worried i'll read it and won't 'get' it and my chances with him will be dashed forever. anyway, this little flirtation has meant i've been spending a little too much money on brand new books since i've been here:

a list and pontification:

small island, andrea levy

i read this in three days during my first week in england.. it's about new immigrants to england just after the second world war so it seemed quite relevant. though the immigrants in this book were from the caribbean and had an infinitely more difficult time of it than i did.. it's a novel full of big themes which are explored through the experience of white and black characters. and though it's pretty heavy and all the different forms of racism are explored, it's not a depressing novel as it is written with an underlying humour. i liked it very much.

utterly monkey, nick laird

nick laird is the gentleman friend of zadie smith. they have matching thank-yous for each other in their latest novels (and lastly, nick/zadie... for all your support, love, spew...) as if they mean to rub in the fact that not only are they budding young writers but also cohabit with a fellow talented young writer - 'read it and dream dear reader'. anyway. mr laird has managed to write a sex scene in this book almost as awkward as ms smith's sex scene in on beauty. do you think they sit together on a sunday afternoon and workshop their literary sex scenes trying to make them as 'realistic' as possible? if that is the case i bet their own sex life is whack. which makes me feel a bit better about them being 'literary sensations' and in love.

untold stories, alan bennett

before england i hadn't heard much of alan bennett. then penny and i went to see the history boys and it made me laugh a lot and feel superior to many types of people. exactly the type of feeling i enjoy getting out of my light entertainment. so when i saw this on the 2 for 3 table i picked up a copy. i read most of it lying on the bottom bunk of a hostel in krakow and giggling to myself late at night and annoying my roommates. the stories are mostly from his own life and there is a chapter on his battle with cancer which was particularly interesting as he seemed to articulate in a very humorous way some of the stuff my dad has been through in the last few months..

the history of love, nicole krauss

i thought this was a little contrived actually. and liked it even less when i found out that nicole krauss is cohabiting with jonathon safran foer.. man, these literary power couples really piss me off..

i liked the older characters but thought that the children were really badly written. it has a lot of threads which she seems to attempt to tie up at the end but she missed a lot of them which was very unsatisfying. either leave me totally mystified a la haruki murakami or round things off nicely please. don't leave the job half finished!

she did manage to convey different ideas of what it meant to be alone and loneliness very well though. i was reading in the middle of a busy cafe in berlin and it really hit me that i was alone in the middle of europe, half a world away from people i love best..

the historian, elizabeth kostova

i actually bought this one in a barcelona bookshop from an equally spunky spanish bookseller. it was thick and the text was tightly packed so i thought it would be ideal for holiday as it would hopefully last the week and i wouldn't need to buy another. turns out it is about vampires. so i feel a bit embarrassed to say that i thoroughly enjoyed it. it was very compelling and it has made me desperate to travel to istanbul, drink tea from glasses and peer into mysterious shadows looking for adventure..

suite francaise, irene nemirovsky

this has been in the press a fair bit lately.. the manuscript was found only a few years ago but was written during the war by a russian jewish woman living in france. she was taken away by the nazis sometime in 1941 and killed in auschwitz soon after that. the 2 existing parts of the novel have been published along with the notes the author made on the other 3 parts that she had planned but not written. it was pretty interesting to read her writing process, though i couldn't help but feel it spoiled the magic a little bit. of course logically i know that novels need to be planned and written and revised and agonised over.. but i'm not sure i want to know about it. i just want to imagine a writer sitting in a red armchair, writing away on a clickty clack typewriter pausing to look out the window and stroke the cat.. it was a beautiful book though and very unfortunate that it was never finished. yet another reason to hate the nazis.

the accidental, ali smith

don't really get why this was so hyped and well reviewed. i thought it was stoopid and implausible. it annoys me when *every* character in a novel is totally dysfunctional.







in the company of the courtesan, sarah dunat

i was a bit embarrassed to take this to the counter as it is so obviously *girly*. so i distracted spunky waterstones boy from analysing my choice too closely by asking him if he had added any women to his 'recommended reading' shelf yet.. he hadn't. maybe i'll add some there for him. anyway. i'm a sucker for 'historical fiction' set in romantic settings like venice or paris or 18th century palaces.. i shouldn't be ashamed. it's better than being into meg cabot.

of love and other demons, gabriel garcia marquez

this guy comes up with the best titles ever.. mostly i read this to see if i agreed with clementine's analysis that marquez is perhaps a touch of a misogynist. i'd never spotted it before but i think that i agree, he has a lot of female characters but all of them a little unsympathetic. or totally mad. still love the titles though.. and the weirdness.. this story involves a possessed girl, a rabid dog and a lunatic asylum.


this could go on a lot longer but i'm a little bored of it now. and i've got 3 lessons to plan before 8:45 am tomorrow for the ungrateful little punks. i know i've told a number of you in outraged tones already but for those who are still unconvinced of the madness i'm working in: a kid took a shit in the corner of the classroom! these children are not normal. only 6 more weeks to go..