adventures on new whittle street

the other night i was questioned by the police. they stopped me as i was trying to work out the best way to get onto the roof of a charming little gatehouse outside a building i had been told was abandoned.. turned out it wasn't so abandoned, which i would have seen if i had bothered to scope the place out before i went 'exploring'.

the police here wear huge flurosent vests which should make them difficult to take seriously, but i was still quaking in my onitsuka tigers (good exploring shoes) when they rocked up and asked me what i was doing.. i mumbled something about looking around the area and being from australia and tried to give off a vibe of innocene and charm which seemed to work because they told me to get off the property and keep my exploring for australia in the future. quite reasonable really and i got home quick smart.

i think i have been infected with the same feeling i had in japan that the rules don't really apply to me as i'm a foreigner. lets hope that these feelings don't manifest themselves in rampant bike stealing and monkey dancing in restaurants as they did in japan... not sure the british establishment will be as tolerant next time..

but who knows what fun i'll get up to in spain!

i had an overly large bag, you sneezed into your observer on the central line at 1pm today...

i headed into london again this weekend to fulfil my cultural requirement for the week.. had lunch in chinatown with al at a restaurant notorious for its terrible service. it wasn't as awful as we were hoping but the staff were rude enough on a few occasions to give us a thrill.. we then wandered around the national portrait gallery being underwhelmed by a temporary exhibition on chinese families but i was pretty impressed by the rest, even the massive tudor portraits that al isn't so fond of. then we relived our favourite moments from japan playing around with the functions on our cameras so we could take pretty pictures of trafalger square at night:

after i met up with bonnie in her hood, brixton. we went out for some delicious moroccan food and bonnie showed me some very cool places to drink. today we headed into the very beautiful british museum and saw an excellent georg gerster exhibition - he photographs landscapes and historic sites from above.. very cool. we were disappointed that the 'image and authority in medieval seals' exhibition was closed off for the day - it had promised to show us delights from the golden age of seal making. ahh well, will have to come back, i'm sure it will be worth it.

coming soon: the exciting tale of my brush with the law

cyberspace welcomes a new member

i've heard on the grapevine that my grammy will be accessing my blog today... if you have managed to get it up and running grammy, well done and welcome! i'm impressed! next you'll be downloading tunes and online gambling... it's a whole new world!

love,
melissa

not the only oriental in the village

i can spend hours and hours in tescos wandering the aisles feeling like i am in a slightly parallel universe - not as insane as japan with its giant squid tentacles and auld land syne - but different enough to feel strange and disjointed.

on the weekend i discovered this:

the gentleman's relish! apparently gentlemen like their anchovy relish strong because it also comes with this warning:

i am yet to try it but i'm sure it will be a taste sensation. i'm hoping it's even better than anchovette! though i'm not sure if the manufactures name reflects the gentlemanly nature of the product.. sounds like a hidden body part to me.

meanwhile, walking down the high street this evening i noticed not only one but two other people of the oriental persuasion! chelmsford is a sophisticated hub of multiculturalism!

heading into the big smoke

despite having other things on my mind, i dragged myself into london today to meet zoe to attempt to do something cultural. turns out that after thinking i was a pro at navigating the tube, i actually have no idea... i managed to get on and off the circle line *3* times before realising i was going the right way the first time and kept zoe waiting 40 minutes in the freezing cold at chiswick park. sorry again for that babe...

zoe took me on a tour of the westminster area and we watched kids clambering all over the enormous lions at trafalger square, peered through the gates to downing street and admired the statue of 'general haig hitler'.

then we went to the tate modern where unfortunately tickets were booked out for sliding down the carsten höller instilation:
it is five giant spiralling tubes that you can sit on a mat and slide down. it looked much fun and will have to return to try it out before it's taken down in april.
whee!

melissa learns to link!

following on fromaudrey'sadventures with cheese... over here they inexplicably add a seal to the top of their milk. fine if they are easy to get into, might add freshness? who knows.. but a true pain in the arse when they can't be ripped open with ease..
i had to get into this one with a knife! and what a mess i made of it too.. the milk slopped all over the sides of my nice cup of earl grey. gah!
(and yay for finally using the macro function on my camera!)

ho sento, no parlo català

inspired by the shadow of the wind by carlos ruiz zafón (my new literary crush) i have booked a trip to barcelona for half term hols coming up in only a month! i'll walk the streets searching for the angel of the mist, eat tapas and master another citys subway system. ya-ta!

moving day

i've left the manor house and my cosy little room above the indian takeaway:

for stapleford close in the heart of chelmsford. i am living in a very beige flat full of ikea in a huge complex full of buildings that look like this:
i am sure linley will appreciate the stunning architecture.. anything like this in canberra? the middle floor on the left hand side is the lounge room window. i'm sharing with two (cambridge educated!) people, katie and her boyfriend andy who works as a doctor in cambridge and comes down only on the weekends. katie is very lovely and i am looking forward to living with her muchly!

this is where i'll be blogging from:
it has a very pretty view of a big tree and english looking roofs with layers of ivy and moss. and to the left, a good view into the neighbours kitchen whom i've already worked out are odd due to the presence of *two* irons on the window sill. who needs two irons?

if anyone wants to send me care packages or love letters my address is:
76 stapleford close,
chelmsford,
essex,
CM2 0RB,
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

hitler was the german bigwig

this week i've been marking year 9 exams. they are the culmination of their first term of work under the instruction of the "useless git". some gems from the section on WW2 which involved filling in a blank space in a sentance follow.

ittalics indicate the student response.

There were many causes of WW2, but one man was at the heart of it. His name was Hiel Hitler.
(hiel is the german way of saying michael you know..)

The leader of Russia was named Sloberman Mellossoviech.
(sloberman! comedy gold!)

The German word for Empire is war.
(actually quite insightful...)

When Italy invaded Rome, little was done to stop them.
(until they went crazy and tried to take control of milan as well.. then something needed to be done!)

The war lasted 44 years.
(maybe valid if little charlotte was looking at it from a historical revisionist school of thought which thinks WW1 never ended.. but then she came out with this gem:

Hitler was the German bigwig.
nope.. she was just spending her lessons testing her love compatability with every boy in yr 11 instead of listening)

A famous American who visited Germany was Charles Dickens.
A famous American who visited Germany was Charles Darwin.
A famous American who visited Germany was Charles the III.
(a famous american kids! not one of your countrymen, especially not one that died in the centuries before WW2)

The German's started to build lots of weapons and mad arrogance in the 1930's.
(Hitler was well full of himself wasn't he miss??)

next up is the Industrial Revolution.. lets hope i can do a better job than mr git..

a snapshot of my students

i'm working at the whitest school in the world.

evidence: class list for 8HA3

dale b
joseph b
stuart b
jake b
ewan c
stuart c
michael c
samantha c
joshua d
oliver g
jonathan g
karl h
francesca h
matthew h
nicholas h
rebecca j
bronwyn m
zoe m
thomas m
daniel r
adam r
helena s
rebecca s
patrick s
philip s
jack s
zachary t-t
rhys w
oliver w
luke w

there is not a single name there i cannot pronounce! not even any ridiculous invented names.. that whole lecture we had at uni on ways to handle difficult names is being completely wasted! instead i'm drowning in a sea of charlottes and sams...

also, it is the fashion at this school to wear their ties short and fat. they look like cartoon characters. it's difficult to take a little snot's attempts at tough talk seriously when he is sporting a 7cm tie. hilarious!

a snapshot of my workmates

to satisfy those who want the goss on my workmates (this one's for you dad):

dan (head of history): a workaholic with the most sticky out ears ive ever seen. has been really helpful and supportive and pleased to see me, probably because the guy i am taking over from was a "useless git" whom he trash talks reguarly. i'm not sure if this is to make me feel welcome or frighten me into working as hard as he does lest he talks the same way about me.

steve (head of department): older gentleman obsessed with cricket. tries to engage me in cricket/ashes talk everytime he sees me and doesn't seem to be aware that i'm not responding (mostly because i have no idea what he is talking about).

john: wants to convert to catholicism because he likes their stance on abortion. enough about him.

seth: reminds me of a mr mole from wind in the willows and could benefit from a more winning demenor. we share a class and he has instituted a notebook system so we never have to speak to each other, just pass messages on the classes progress through the book. it is my mission to win him over.

rob (student teacher): total history head, bored his last girlfriend into dumping him by taking her on holidays to the normandy battlefields. believes that all aeroplane travel is environmentally irresponsible.

jenny: somehow manages to keep all her classes quiet all the time. maybe it’s because she wears a suit. has promised to take me to see essex girls in their real environment as i'm apparently in the wrong part of essex to see them in their full glory.

nik: very helpful and has reminded me at least 7 times that everyone goes to the pub on friday night. refers to students as ‘stink-bombs’ as in “how were the little stink-bombs this morning?”

so that's the department. they are pretty easy to get along with - as long as i don't get into any moral discussions with the wannabe catholic...

miss, what does ms mean??

today i started school. this is great baddow high school:

they seem very proud of that flag. they are also proud of the free tea and coffee for the teachers in the staff room at recess. the deputy told me this with a certain amount of smugness in her voice as if it illustrated what a well-off school i had come to. a friend of my friend zoe has to pay 30p for tea in her staff room. and she works at a huge money making bank! what kind of tight-arse country have i moved to?

sadly, i think english children are more dim-witted than their antipodian counterparts and a lot more of them are saddled with learning difficulties. i went in totally unprepared and pitched the tasks way too high for them and was rewarded with some pretty difficult to manage behaviour as a result. on advice from my fellow teachers i will be using lots of "colouring in, matching exercises and drawing". this is for year 7 and 8 classes! in the middle streams!! it seems all they expect is some history 'themed' posters to be produced. I AM NOT PRIMARY TRAINED!

thank goodness for my two top streamed classes which i hope will keep me sane.. and all the other teachers in the department are very nice and helpful which i hope will make up for the fact that i don't even have a desk..

sunshiney days

today it was a beautiful day so i walked into chelmsford which is much nicer than i expected. it has a cathedral:

and the high street reminded me of rundle mall and has everything that rundle mall has except charming pig statues. it does have some lovely buildings though, which have invairably been taken over by a starbucks or boots. speaking of boots, audrey was right, i'm definately going to get addicted to it!

in other good news, the unfortunate nasal affliction that i had in adelaide is no longer bothering me.. good thing, i was a little bit worried about what ingenius nickname the kids at school would invent for me had i still been a compulsive picker..

2 days here and yet to see any essex girls...